It not very often that you come across individuals who happen to be the version of yourself you’re working towards (and know you’d be all starry eyed with). This is not a reflection about finding mentors, or idols, or even soulmates. This is just about the the time when you find yourself an individual who values life the same way you do, and all of a sudden you have this fellow (even though they might not be your friend) who gets it. This person truly understands just WHY its so important to focus on yourself. To chase everything you want with a fervor so strong that when in failure you come out, you have gashes so deep that you know next time, you’ll be wiser. Putting yourself in the real world – to reveal raw emotions – for people to read, watch, observe and infer from takes real courage.
There is lots of fellow weirdos out there. But finding just one can be inspiring enough to keep you going for a while.
I feel really spoilt though. It’s unfair, isn’t it? When you get to spend atleast a few hours a day reflecting on your life, inferring from your observations, growing? There is a reason why household libraries used to be a common signifier of the rich.
It’s a luxury.
Working on yourself is a luxury that most people today my age categorize as a task. We freeze up when someone asks us who we are, who we want to be, who we don’t want to be. “So much pressure”, we think. To have to ponder about out lives when we’re only 21 years old, and articulate that? Surely we have a few more years before that? Admittance of any sort makes it sound so final to our ears, so confining.
We change with our surroundings – which is something I’ve learnt that we sometimes cannot control. It’s the way the change is propagated within us, and whether we are the ones with the quill, that determines our depth of self-undestanding. Let’s be real here. So many of us just let things happen to us and hope the pieces fall in the crevices they are meant to. But how many of us stop to think of why those crevices exist in the first place, and whether they were even crevices at all?
We postpone the act of taking the time to create self-love to when we’re old. But really, we’re all actually creatures of the present. We will do anything in our power to have the best possible now, because all of us know that happiness is fleeting; life is fragile. In that way, humans are pretty greedy. So maybe I am being greedy right now as I take some time to think about who I want to be remembered as, and remember others by. It’s just so much more efficient for me to do this NOW, while I’m still a baby – and can change me easily. I pamper myself with thought iteration. I pamper myself with mind maps. I pamper myself with portraits of who I will be at every 5 year junction in my life. I pamper myself a lot, within right.
I’m doing me.
Rethink. And I don’t mean a write in you journal for a few days and think you have your life sorted. I mean honestly debating with your reasonings, questions your intentions, and beating your motivations to the pulp so that you know you’re living your life in a way that represents the strongest you, you can ever be. I sound like a fool who’s taking herself too seriously. But really, all I’m asking is that you seriously think about you. What is the point of all this expensive escapism we indulge in when we haven’t even figured out if there is something that needs to be escaped?